Gone, but not forgotten.

Today is the one year mark of my dad's passing. The world goes on, but I can remember like it was yesterday. I'll never forget my mom on the phone telling me that my dad had stopped breathing and to come to the hospital as soon as possible. She said they were working on him, but she didn't think he would make it. I started to panic and cry so hard that I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going to throw up or pass out. Boone had to help me stand. I have always had great fear of losing someone so close to me and here I was, living it. Then, another phone call only miles from the hospital. This time it was my brother-in-law and I made Boone answer the phone. The look on his face told me what I did not want to hear. "He's gone isn't he?" was all I could choke out. My dad was gone, just like that.
Memories started flooding my mind the rest of the way to the hospital. I have some great memories and such great love for my dad. I have always loved my dad's hands. I have his same hands. When I was little and home sick from school, my dad would come home for lunch and place his cold hands on my forehead and ask how I was feeling. I loved how he would give what my family calls "The Hathaway Pat" when giving you a hug. Oh how I miss those hugs. The hugs for when he was proud of me, or the hugs for when I was sad and needed comfort. When I got to the hospital and was finally at his bedside the first thing I did was hold his hands. I placed his hand on my cheek and just stared at his chest, hoping that he would take a breath.
It's during moments like this in life that you wonder how you can endure. The pain and sorrow is overwhelming, even with the knowledge of eternal families. I know that I can be with him again someday, but it's hard waiting. I know his spirit is in a good place waiting to reunite with his loved ones, but I miss having his spirit here. We are a close family and he was a big part of our lives. It's not the same without him here.
Life goes on when you lose a loved one and you have no choice, but to learn how to accept life without them. As time goes by you learn how to cope, but the pain never fully goes away. Experiences like these make us stronger. Through prayer, I have been able to find peace and comfort.

The picture below is one of my favorites. Family was everything to my dad and he LOVED his grandchildren to pieces. Here he is on the "Deere" taking the grand kids for a ride. I love you dad. We all love you. You may be gone, but you are not forgotten.

Who needs a dog?

Who needs a dog when you've got three children? (or any animal for that matter) We've got a zoo at our house. The kids are really in to pretending to be animals lately. Their favorites are horses and puppies. They get on each others backs and say, "YEE HAW!" They crawl around on the floor like puppies and bark, pant, and pick up toys with their teeth. Today I thought I would join in the fun and I got on all fours and started barking at the kids. To my surprise Easton came crawling towards me with his tongue hanging out panting and when he got to me, he licked my forehead. I screamed and he giggled and did it again. The girls thought this was hilarious and so they tried to join in. After I quit laughing, I gave the kids a run down on why we don't lick other people. Kids will be kids!

The Tickle Monster!

Boone plays this game with the kids. All of the kids lay in a line on the floor while he counts to three and tickles all of them. They scream with delight. They love all of his little games and it's just not the same if mommy does it. Boone is like a circus when he gets home from work. The kids climb all over him, tackle him, tease him, and beg him for entertainment. He has earned himself the title, "TICKLE MONSTER!"

Why do I have to be the great big pumpkin?

The kids and I were having a conversation about Halloween and what costumes they wanted to wear. Madison finally said, "Mom, how about daddy and Easton can be a ghost, me and Kenzie can be a beautiful princess, and you can be a great big pumpkin!" I laughed and said, "Why does mommy have to be the pumpkin?" Her reply,"Because we need a big scary one!"

Flossing?

This is what happens when Boone gets the kids ready for bed. If I am in charge, they are lucky to get their teeth brushed, let alone flossed.

Trials amidst miracles...

The last two years hold some of the most extreme situations that Boone and I have been through in our married years. Sometimes it seems like a blur. There were times in the last two years that I know we had a higher power watching over our family. What was the hardest about these last two years was trying to wrap my mind around the feelings and emotions of going through trials while also experiencing miracles.

The first miracle that took us by surprise was finding out that I was pregnant with Easton, just two days after returning home from adopting Makenzie. This news was followed by three months of me having all day morning sickness while trying to take care of a 2 1/2 year old and a brand new baby. This was such a hard time for us. Boone was my saving grace and did more than was asked of him in this time of need, while still working and providing for our family. My mom also did everything in her power to help us from laundry, to making dinner, helping take care of the kids, or just simply having the house in order to lighten Boone's load when he got home from work. Luckily the morning sickness was completely relieved after the three months were over.

This is a picture of Makenzie, Madison, and me (about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant.)

Fast forward three months to December when my parents received devastating news about a very close friend dying of a heart attack the day before Christmas. He was in his fifties. This news was hard for both of them, but it was especially hard for my dad. This was someone he talked to almost every day.

This is a picture taken Christmas Day. Look at the sadness in both of my parents eyes. Ironically this would be the last Christmas we would spend with my dad. This is the last picture I have of him before he fell and had his head injury.

Which brings us to March 9, 2007. The day my dad fell at work. He was there by himself early in the morning before any employees had arrived. Apparently he had a seizure and fell straight back on a cement floor. The head injury he sustained should have left him unconscious on the floor, but miraculously he was awake and talking right up until the moment they took him for brain surgery. The neurosurgeon never gave us any hope that he would live through his head injury, let alone come out of it normal. By a miracle he did just that, came out of it completely normal. Our family believes this miracle was from God and allowed us to have just a little bit more time. I ended up going in to labor while I was visiting my dad at the hospital. I had Easton a month early. We were once again blessed that he was a healthy boy with all that was going on. Our family stepped in to help. My sisters and mother-in-law took turns staying with me the first few weeks of Easton's life, so my mom could be with my dad at the hospital. Here are some pictures: This picture was taken one week before my dad's accident. I was 32 weeks pregnant.

Dad in the ICU.

This is the day that my dad got to come home. He spent two months in the hospital. These are the only pictures I have of Easton with my dad.

The next four months before my dad's death were sweet ones for all of us. We were so shaken up by almost losing him that we focused on spending quality time with him. We were able to show our love for him once again. The fact that he was recovering those four months and not able to work, gave him quality time to spend with us and the grand kids. What a blessing to have such wonderful months before his death.

On the morning of September 28, 2007 my dad passed away from cardiac arrest. They believe a blood clot stopped his heart. He had quality time with my mom that morning, just talking. He said he didn't feel that great, he lay down on his bed, and he was gone within minutes. A special part of our family was gone, just like that.

Like I said before, sometimes the last two years are a blur. What extreme emotions we have experienced. The highs, the lows, the trials, and the miracles. I do know one thing for sure. I know that life is good! With the good, comes the bad. We are able to experience happiness, because we also experience sadness. The reason we feel such heartache from missing my dad is because we experienced so much love and joy by being with him. My testimony has grown. I know that we have a loving Heavenly Father who is with us always. Especially in our darkest hour. All we have to do is ask. I have learned to never stop praying. I have never in my life felt such peace and comfort through prayer. I handed everything over to the Lord and realized that I didn't have any control. All I could do is pray that I would be strong enough to handle whatever was brought my way, and if I wasn't strong enough then I needed help finding strength.

I am truly grateful for life and all that comes with it....even trials amidst miracles.

1st Day of Pre-school

Today was Maddy's 1st day of pre-school. She was so excited. She kept asking me if she could ride the bus to school and I had to explain that next year she could ride the bus to Kindergarten.

Here are a few pictures of her at home before leaving for school. She poses like this for pictures with no encouragement. All I can say is DRAMA!

Boone's dental office is on the way to school, so Maddy asked if she could give dad a kiss on her way to school. She loves her dad!

Maddy went right in to school and hugged her teacher Mrs. Thompson. She has talked about her ever since pre-school ended last year. I took some pictures of Maddy at school, gave her a kiss, and was off, just like that. No tears for either of us. Kenzie & Easton are enjoying playing without Maddy bossing them around. I have been home for almost an hour now and not one of them has even thought about crying. They have been playing so well together. It has actually been, dare I say.... QUIET! Here are the last pictures I took.