Today is the one year mark of my dad's passing. The world goes on, but I can remember like it was yesterday. I'll never forget my mom on the phone telling me that my dad had stopped breathing and to come to the hospital as soon as possible. She said they were working on him, but she didn't think he would make it. I started to panic and cry so hard that I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going to throw up or pass out. Boone had to help me stand. I have always had great fear of losing someone so close to me and here I was, living it. Then, another phone call only miles from the hospital. This time it was my brother-in-law and I made Boone answer the phone. The look on his face told me what I did not want to hear. "He's gone isn't he?" was all I could choke out. My dad was gone, just like that.
Memories started flooding my mind the rest of the way to the hospital. I have some great memories and such great love for my dad. I have always loved my dad's hands. I have his same hands. When I was little and home sick from school, my dad would come home for lunch and place his cold hands on my forehead and ask how I was feeling. I loved how he would give what my family calls "The Hathaway Pat" when giving you a hug. Oh how I miss those hugs. The hugs for when he was proud of me, or the hugs for when I was sad and needed comfort. When I got to the hospital and was finally at his bedside the first thing I did was hold his hands. I placed his hand on my cheek and just stared at his chest, hoping that he would take a breath.
It's during moments like this in life that you wonder how you can endure. The pain and sorrow is overwhelming, even with the knowledge of eternal families. I know that I can be with him again someday, but it's hard waiting. I know his spirit is in a good place waiting to reunite with his loved ones, but I miss having his spirit here. We are a close family and he was a big part of our lives. It's not the same without him here.
Life goes on when you lose a loved one and you have no choice, but to learn how to accept life without them. As time goes by you learn how to cope, but the pain never fully goes away. Experiences like these make us stronger. Through prayer, I have been able to find peace and comfort.
The picture below is one of my favorites. Family was everything to my dad and he LOVED his grandchildren to pieces. Here he is on the "Deere" taking the grand kids for a ride.
I love you dad. We all love you. You may be gone, but you are not forgotten.
